Tuesday, November 26, 2013

In Thanks-Giving: Day 3

I should have known I'd get a bit behind in posting once I hit the lofty mountains of Colorado...
Now to catch up!

Day 3, Sunday, November 24, 2013

Take Me Back

I heard this song for the first time the other day and instantly fell in love. 

I kept wanting to sing " I will hold on," but those aren't the words...they are "I hold on."  This change may seem like nothing to you, but once I realized the possible difference, I was blown away.  He isn't make a statement about his actions, he is making a statement about his being, his core values, who he is:  he is a guy that "hold[s] on." 

When the song opens, Dierks Bentley is singing about a busted up truck everyone thinks he should sell, but then informs the listener of what no one knows, "...my dad and me/ We drove her out to Tennessee/ She's still here, now, he's gone/  So I hold on."  I was immediately connected to his emotions tying him to that truck. 

Though Jason and I celebrated a "mere" two year-anniversary shortly before his passing, we packed a lot of love and a lot of memories into that "short" time we had together.  I have repeatedly been told since Jason's passing, that we lived and loved more in those 2 years then most people do in a lifetime.  Please don't be offended; please don't think I am making our marriage out to be something it is not: those people...are RIGHT!

Jason and I packed a lot of life, love, and memories into our time together.  There was rarely a moment we weren't adventuring in one way or another: waterfall hikes and campouts, new jobs, home projects, business ideas...the list goes on. 

A few months ago I told those closest to me of a very personal struggle that was overtaking me: an identity crisis.  I love the person I have become since Jason Edwards entered my life, and I have been deathly afraid that I will lose me, thus losing him, again...and then Dierks' song comes into earshot..."I hold on."

I have been blessed with a million surroundings that give me what that truck gives the boy in the song.  It is hard to articulate to someone who hasn't lost a close loved one, a loved one who literally helped define you as an individual, but everyday I get to "hold on." Sometimes I hold on to trivial items around our home, and sometimes I hold on to the feeling of his arms around me; either way, "I hold on..." tight!

Today {or Sunday, rather ;)} I am thankful for the memories, and a man who worked so hard to capture the memories via camera, and I am thankful for a memory that continually recollects more and more about my precious Jason, and I am thankful for a God who gave us TWO WHOLE YEARS!  I don't make a statement of the actions a plan to take in the future by stating, I will hold on,  I make a statement of who I am when I say, " I hold on."


  1. I love you both so much. Alas the well-thought out comment was lost when I had to reset my google account password in order to "publish" it. To summarize it though: Thanks for the music...I believe in the power of music to part the "veil" between us and heaven just a little bit. If I ever doubted it, that doubt was cast out when I could feel Jason praising God with Tammy at his services. I will never be the same after that powerful experience. I love you. :-D

  2. My husband is back!!! I had a problem with my husband 8 months ago,which lead to us apart. When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I felt so empty inside .Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped her in same problem too that she found on a television program. i emailed the spell caster and I told him my problem and I did what he asked me. To cut the story short,Before I knew what was happening,not up to 48 hours,my husband gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry about what has happened, I'm so grateful to this spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he has done for me.If you need his help,you can email him at (ezizaspellhome@gmail.com)or tel +2347068534025.....thank you sir great Dr.EZIZA for all that you do and i greatly appreciate that.